Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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