So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
