it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
