i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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