bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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