I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
