she looked like the before picture.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
