"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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