flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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