Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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