Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
