when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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