I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
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On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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