need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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