Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
