You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
