Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
