somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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