WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
