i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
