Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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