I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
