One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
