You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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