Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
