Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
