mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize