Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You left your phone here
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