Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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