Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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