I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
