And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
