i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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