shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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