Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
