Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
