remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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