Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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