found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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