In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
