Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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