Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
