Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
