I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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