i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
As shirtless as possible
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
