I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
