I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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