I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
