Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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