Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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