your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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