And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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