biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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