Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
