I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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