dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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