Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
