The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
