Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
