How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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