At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
