i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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