my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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