you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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