dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
