god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
