Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
