It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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