i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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