She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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