Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
