You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
