just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
