i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
