his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The beer is more important than you right now.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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