I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
