Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
